Someone sent me a joke on wechat. I have no idea who the author is but it’s brilliant. If you can understand this joke, you should congratulate yourself on your profound knowledge about today’s China, and your mastery of the Chinese language.

Here is my translation. To make it understandable to non Chinese, I offered explanations in italic.

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Recently, CCTV (China Central Television) conducted a survey among varied groups and occupations, asking the question: “How do you pronounce the English word ‘China’?”

The result came back. All the answers ended with “na,” which means “where” in Chinese, yet all of them were different.

Poor people: Qianna? (Qian=money)

 – Where is money? 

Doctors: Qiena? (Qie=cut)

– Where to cut?)

Government officials: Quanna? (Quan=power)

– Where to gain power?

Single men: Qina (Qi=wife)

– Where to find a wife?

Rich people: Qiena (Qie=mistress)

– Where are my mistresses?

Lovers: Qingna (Qin=kiss)

– Where to kiss?

Robbers: Qiangna (Qiang=rob)

– Where can I rob?

Real Estate Developers: Quanna (Quan=encircle)

– where to seize more land?

Slum residents: Qianna (Qian = move)

– Where to move?

Local governments: Chaina (Chai = tear down)

– Where can we tear down more houses? ( * Local governments in China often rely on land sales to collect tax and stimulate economy.) 

After a heated discussion, voters decided that local governments’s answer was most accurate. But The Urban Administrative and Law Enforcement Bureau ( Chengguan as they’re called in China) disagreed, and said their pronunciation – “Chuaina” (Chuai=kick) should be the winner. (* Chengguan is widely loathed for police brutality.)

More debate resumed. At this moment, The Central Discipline Inspection Commission chimed in with their own version: “Chana” (Cha=investigate). Hearing that, everyone quieted down as no one wanted to be the target of this bureau. ( * This bureau is responsible for investigating party members suspected of corruption and other misconducts.) 

Here is the Chinese original:

前不久，央视在全国各阶层不同行业做了一个调查，英语China（中国）究竟该怎么念？结果出乎想象，穷人读：钱哪？  医生读：切哪？  官员读：权哪？ 光棍读：妻哪？ 有钱人读：妾哪？ 恋人读：亲哪？  强盗读：抢哪？ 地产商读：圈哪？  贫民读：迁哪？  政府读：拆哪？  最后得出结论：还是政府发音最准确！城管听后不乐意了，我 们读：踹哪？  到底谁最标准？中纪委表态一一一査哪？大家都息声了。